I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
