woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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