I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
