After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
3pm strippers are depressing
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
