In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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