I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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