I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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