the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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