Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
