great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
