My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
