My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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