What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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