I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
