I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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