So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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