apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
