I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
