there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
