he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There's always time for handjobs
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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