my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
