i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
