I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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