why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
