On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
