Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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