I wanna bring you to show and tell
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
