Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
