why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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