They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
