he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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