Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
