grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
