My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
