Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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