You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
