Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
cat food counts as protein by the way
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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