he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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