My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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