dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
