So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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