So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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