I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
