If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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