Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
