im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
