the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
