I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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