i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
