4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
