the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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