im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
