Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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