Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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