Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
