her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
