Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
