I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
