Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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