Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just want to make out with him forever
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
