so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Come on in and take your pants off
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