he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
