Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
