Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
