I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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