just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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