Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
