she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
