I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
