Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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