my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
