Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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