Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
