can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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