if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
