Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
